Again this year, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, we are faced with a holiday season that may deviate slightly from our normal traditions. Coping with holiday stresses may be overwhelming for many, especially when considering the extraordinary circumstances of our current time. We may find ourselves focusing on the next “to-do” on our list, which may often result in the practice of mindfulness going by the wayside along with our mental well-being. While the distress that may be experienced is normal and quite common, there are many ways in which mindfulness can help de-stress the holiday season to make it more enjoyable.
“Mindfulness is bringing your attention to the present moment with an element of non-judgment and acceptance. It is noticing when we get caught up in thoughts about the past or the future, and returning our attention to the present — the only reality,” Neda Gould, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and director of the Johns Hopkins Mindfulness Program.
Bringing one’s attention to the present moment with a mindset that is free of judgment may seem difficult, so here are some general tips and recommendations that may serve as guidelines for practicing mindfulness during the holiday season.
Awareness - Awareness, whether of oneself or others, during the holiday season is important when establishing the framework for how you want your holiday experience to go. During this time, identify how you’re feeling. Take the time to sort through emotions in a way that is productive for you, as identifying emotions can decrease the sense of being overwhelmed and can allow you to begin planning on how to cope with these emotions. Acknowledging thoughts and feelings may help identify what old habits or patterns may be hindering your holiday experience. Let go of these old habits and patterns, as this opens the possibility of new experiences throughout your interactions while also reducing feelings of frustration and/or boredom. In this, you allow yourself to refocus on what truly matters. When frustrated or overwhelmed, ask yourself these three questions: (1) Where does this fit in the grand scheme of things?, (2) Can I use this moment of frustration as an opportunity to reflect?, and (3) Although this moment seems stressful, is there a way in which I can make it pleasant? Lastly, bring awareness to how you can expand your communication. Gift-giving is not the only way to express gratitude or care towards loved ones, therefore explore other ways of communicating these feelings (i.e., quality time, verbal expression, etc.).
Be open - The holidays can bring a range of emotions for ourselves and so many others. Being open to your emotions and the emotions of others is extremely important during this time of year. Make space for all emotions by being attentive, receptive, and open to the communication of these feelings. This will increase your ability to connect and provide the opportunity to practice active listening. Trying to understand the complete message that is being communicated (through words, body language, and actions), shows that you not only acknowledge but encourage open communication. Minimize distractions during these times of active listening, so that you may allow yourself to experience a greater sense of reward by being fully present in the moment. Be mindful of expectations, and learn to accept imperfection. Imperfection is inevitable, so don’t set impossibly high expectations of yourself or others. Acknowledging that things may not go as planned will decrease your stress levels, and bring you further into the present moment as you are more open to other possibilities.
Balance - Finding balance during these times is something that many people struggle with, therefore it’s important to balance the “shoulds” with awareness of and attention to your own needs. Trying to meet everyone’s expectations can lead to burnout and resentment. Drawing attention to how these expectations affect you is important for finding a necessary balance between the expectations of others and your personal expectations and can allow you to find harmony between holiday needs and your own personal needs. Along with finding balance, it may be helpful to not romanticize typical holiday plans. In other words, this year’s holiday season may be different than previous ones because of the COVID-19 pandemic, and while some typical traditions may be given up, some added stressors may also be left behind. Making the most of it will be important for a pleasant holiday experience, and brainstorming new ways for adapting typical traditions may be helpful for a more enjoyable experience. It’s even possible that new traditions may be born out of this practice. Along with rethinking new ways to spend your holidays, rethink resolutions. Start small, breaking your goal(s) into smaller steps throughout the year, and be kind to yourself during this process. Letting go of negative energy and self-criticism will allow you to restart your goals without guilt or shame, and lead to a greater reward as progress is made.
Let go of judgment - Letting go of judgment may be especially difficult for many, especially when it comes to letting go of judgment of yourself and others. Conflict with family during holidays can lead to conflict within oneself and self-criticism, so take note of when you are making these judgments. Allow your thoughts to emerge, without entrenching yourself in them so that you may give yourself space and distance from these feelings. While it’s normal to grieve during this time, acknowledging what you’ve lost (whether it’s a loved one, a job, etc.) allows you to recognize the challenges and emotions that come along with each end to a certain part of your life. This allows you to identify areas of improvement, and celebrate the areas of growth in which you’ve accomplished. We cannot change how others act, but we can change how we respond to any given situation. Therefore, respond with kindness.
Practice gratitude - Make a conscious effort to regularly identify things in which you are grateful, and understand that change may not always be bad. Finding creative ways to adapt and start new traditions can allow you to appreciate the old and the new. Practice self-compassion during these times of reflection, as self-care acts allow you to be more attentive and calmer during interactions. By making space for yourself, you open the door to opportunities for being kinder not only to others during the holiday season but to yourself as well.
